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byeeeee [26 Jun 2004|10:11pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

off to uni of michigan for 6 wks

write me.

or call my cell

or email me.

remember my bday IS july 18th ;)

love to all

1 got wilk? ♥♥

summer 04 [13 Jun 2004|01:45am]
[ mood | peaceful ]

today is the third day of summer.

and so far it has been the best one of my life.

i leave tomorrow for vegas for 5 days.

and 8 days later, i'm going to uni of michigan for 6 weeks. with three of my best friends.

it's weird, feeling like you have it all. i don't want this feeling to go away. i've never been so happy in my life. this whole year. pure, shear brillance. it was the best change, perfect feeling.

the tears this year, all mean nothing. the bullshit, the drama, the liars, the talkers..i dont care. i know who you are. i can see through you. and i don't need you. i know who really matters. you probably don't even know i'm talking to you. you probably think you made a difference in my life. it was so little. i made the difference. i have the same friends. same family. but this year, it clicks.

what a great feeling.

if you think im talking about you, you're probably right.

to the few that truely care, i love you.

"being brown up isn't half as fun as growing up. these are the best days of our lives"

i finally get it.

 

1 got wilk? ♥♥

hm [25 May 2004|09:20pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

its amazing how quickly things can change, in only a year.

if i remember correctly, it was around this day last year my parents decided to have me apply to palmer

i miss old life.

5 got wilk? ♥♥

mmm [16 Feb 2004|08:29am]
going to gym with moni soon which is why im up so early.
wow nicole rocks!

NOW!
current mood: ah so early (tired)
current music: none.
current taste: apple juice.
current hair: up and a giant ball of frizz.
current clothes: soffees and old tennis shirt.
current annoyance: its so early.
current smell: none.
current thing I ought to be doing: getting ready.
current windows open: aol and aim. aren't i cool.
current desktop picture: my atw collage.
current favorite band: green day.
current book: uh.
current cds in stereo: mixes.
current crush: none.
current favorite celeb: uh.
current hate: too much.

DO I?
smoke? no.
do drugs? no.
have a dream that keeps coming back? not anymore. yay.
remember your first love? oh yess.
still love him/her? no.
read the newspaper? yess.
have any gay or lesbian friends? yes.
believe in miracles? occasinally.
believe it's possible to remain faithful forever? yes.
consider yourself tolerant of others? sometimes. if i want to be.
consider love a mistake? never.
like the taste of alcohol? yes.
have a favorite candy? too many.
believe in astrology? no.
believe in magic? its illusions ass.
have any pets? no.
go to or plan to go to college: yes.
have any tattoos? no
hate yourself? nope
have an obsession? im extremely ocd.
have a secret crush? oh yes.
have a best friend? yess.
wish on stars? when im bored.


LOVE LIFE?
single or attached? single
ever been in love? no.
do you believe in love at first sight? no.
do you believe in "the one?": yes.
describe your ideal significant other: funny, listens to good music, smart, caring.


RANDOM?
is punk rock dead?: suree.
vampires- cool or uncool?: uncoool.
is the government going to hell?: most defintely.
do you know what AFI stands for?: no.
wasn't the care bear stare just the coolest thing when you were little?: YESS.
summer or winter?: summer.
what is the best form of art?: all of it.
are you allergic to poison ivy?: sure.
what year in school was the worst?: 7th
aren't cats just adorable?: no.
how much of a loser are you? very so much one.
# of friends on your b/l: 194.
have you lost touch with friends in the past few years?: yes.
# of people you talk to on the phone regularly: 2-4.
does porn turn you on?: no.
does the word "wang" make you laugh?: hah.
let's leave on a jet plane, shall we?: yay camp.
would you ever go "down under?": i would love to visit australia =D
road trips are great, huh?: i wouldnt know =(.
have you ever been on one?: see above ass.
have you ever gone out of the country?: sort-of. jamica. for like a day.
would you ever live out of the country?: possibly.
let's go to india together: ok no.

ENTERTAINMENT
how about the drive-in?: never been.
what was the last movie you watched?: shallow hal (i was bored last night).
the cutest actress is: dont know.
what about actor?: dont know.
best band: a lot.
ever been to a local show?: yeah.
if so, what band did you see?: a lot.
best music genre: punk-ska.
do you like emo?: at the right time yes
ever gone to the opera?: no.
what about a broadway play?: too many.
got wilk? ♥♥

4 day weekend =D [13 Feb 2004|10:38pm]
[ mood | rejected ]

ah so today i went to best buddies. we went to their school for a valentines day party. its so mind-boggling how they are truely in their own world. also how their school is so run-down and poor. total lack of necesities. its ridicolous.

went to the jcc with moni last night. worked out like a mo. eat a salad from the nosh bar. good times.

my chem grade is back to a C..phew thank god no longer failing.

got my haircut today. its REALLY short and im freaking out. its like shoulder lengthish. ahh. its like mini.

ciao loves.

5 got wilk? ♥♥

mm [11 Feb 2004|08:51am]
[ mood | flirty ]

so yesterday me and emily went to the jcc to go workout. of course being tracy and emily that plan backfired. since emily didnt wanna pretend she was "nancy" (her mom) and lie about her name i had to pay 5 bucks to let her be my like guest. we worked out for a total of like 15 minutes. ah grand. but i haven't been to the nosh bar since it was like the cafe at the j or roasters. ah the pizza bagel was so good. ultimate comfort food. ah. and then split a cookie. ahh. seriously it was my childhood. all of my memories were on the goddamn play ground and with those stupid high school conselors. me and em decided i should have my sweet 16 there. they have those stupid jcc parties that i've already had like 5 of. but i want one. i love the jcc haha. actaully i hate it bc its so sad that i've spent my WHOLE life there. but i had the best time ever with emily. haha. then we had to go pickup her goddamn sister and she was being such a brat and wouldn't shut up and stop being a little biatchh. she had to put her bag in the trunk and me and emily quite enjoyed that.

school sucksss.

moni is my valentine =/. i love moni but i'd rather a boy haha.

1 got wilk? ♥♥

woo [09 Feb 2004|06:03pm]
i got my new digital camera

its awesome.

school sucks. i have 5 like tests tomorrow.

basketball is over.

i love my friends.
3 got wilk? ♥♥

a less depressing entry.. [29 Jan 2004|08:24am]
[ mood | cranky ]

anyways so this week has been pretty sucky. but whatever its almost over...2 more days till the weekend.

basketball has been shitty lately. i want to play next yr but i dont know yet. i want to be on a school team and stuff but our coach is such a bipolar bitch. ill see how i feel next year.

school has been same old. chemistry and history may be the death of me. chemistry is so hard and mrs tobin sucks as a teacher. and mr zavada is even worse.

moni is sleeping over this weekend yay. and i have late practice on friday and a game saturday morning. kill me.

thanks to everybody who loves mee

2 got wilk? ♥♥

[28 Jan 2004|09:36pm]
[ mood | thankful ]

"First off, does anyone ever remember back in 5th grade when we always told ourselves that drugs were bad and we would never do them beacause we clearly convinced ourselves that we didnt need them to have fun."

The persons name doesn't need to be metioned...but im damn proud to say that i dont do drugs. fuck you dont need them to have fun. and thats so patethic that every day more and more people are using them. and i really dont give a shit if i get talked about or whatever for writing this....bc when did drugs become ok. when did weed become normal? somebody answer this please.

got wilk? ♥♥

true =/ [27 Jan 2004|07:32pm]
[ mood | determined ]

"A lot of shit happens to us in our lives...enuff to make one pretty damn depressed...but for a minute...imagine if your life was a sitcom...and all that shit happened to you...it would be pretty fucking funny wouldnt it :-)...so smile everytime u tear ur pants in front of ur peers...smile everytime you get a 32 on your test...smile when everyone turns against your for the stupidest reason in the world...b/c if it happened to Mr. Jerald Seinfeld...it would definitly make those ppl in the backround of their show laugh pretty loud...:-)"
---Alex

He's so right.

gotta get a good grade on this history test

got wilk? ♥♥

[27 Jan 2004|12:21pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

everybody always says im a great friend. and a great person. but why does everything in my life always seemed so fucked up. i've come to the reliezation why failure is one of my biggest fears. bc i am living life as that. i want everything to come easily to me and then when it doesn't i complain. i wish i had friends that treated me like i treated them. i want to say "im going to the bathroom" and my friends to want to come with me. i want to have people waive to me in the halls and just to call to say hey. i swear i know im asking to much of my friends but i feel like that would make me content. i HATE my palmer friends. they lie and make excuses. i would flip my whole day around for them but they wont even call to say hello. i hate being the girl thats constantely made fun of. i want to be happy in life and living this life isn't helping. i dont understand why im bad at everything i do. i want to be good at sports, get good grades. i want to get A's on my report cards. i want to get a sports scholarship. i want a boyfriend to cuddle with, complain with, and to go out with. living the life im living right now doesn't do that for me. i cant change who i am. i am a total fuckup in life. i have so many things wrong with me. im thankful for what i have but its not working out for me. im NEVER good enough. for anybody. why does it take until my breaking point for somebody to relieze somethings wrong. i wish i could just run away to another place. and start all over again. i could have done that at palmer this yr. and i tried. but as always...i fucked it up. im so pathetic and i hate myself. and nobody will love me until i love myself. and ive been trying for so long to teach myself how and i cant. nobody will ever love some-one like me. bc im just not good enough.

t.

10 got wilk? ♥♥

stolen from alyssa. even though she doesn't know who wrote it... [19 Jan 2004|11:51am]
[ mood | cynical ]

For some reason, life is a vicious cycle. And not even necessarily vicious, but a cycle in general. We're taught that you live, you learn, you love, and you die. Very few people can honestly say they do anything but that. Seriously, everyone's life seems very different but 99% of people my age live the exact same life I do. We wake up every morning to go to school, sit through hours of classes we would rather not be in, talk to people, smile and laugh a few times, go home to waste away in TV, homework, or talking on the phone or other hobbies day after day until we arrive at summer. And then what do we do then?

Summer's a bitch because you do the same shit you do all school year long but even more often and are drowned in boredom and find yourself at your computer or stuck to the phone for hours on end or checking the board 50 times a day Or sometimes, you go out, but it comes to a point where that even becomes pointless because you do the same shit all the time. You go out to either dolphin or sunset, sometimes on ocassion the grove, and you watch a movie, walk around, and roam the area aimlessly for a couple of hours.

And when we grow up, life will be no different. We will all wake up every morning to go to work from 9-5 and come home, make dinner, maybe play with the dog (or cat), or the kids, argue with your spouse, and go to sleep for the same thing to happen the following day. Or will we all do that? It sounds pretty sad to me to live a life like that...

So this is how I see it:
I'm 15, I'm a speck of dust on this earth's surface right about now, and no matter how much I'd rather be more than that, it's impossible. So what am I to do? Yes, I'm to live that boring adolescence everyone around me is living and deal with it everyday until I can be free to do whatever I want. And I'm not talking about turning 18, because as much as I would like that to be the end of this sick trap that we know as "life", its not. I'm talking about when I've finished school and lived up to everyone's expectations and my own and I can laugh at those who failed to live up to their own expectations and who thought this overly emotional, pussy ass 15 year old bitch they knew would never be sucessful.

Then I can break out of the shell and do something amazing with my life and be able to come home everynight knowing I live a better life than everyone else I know. This isn't a cheap dream I know won't come true, this is a goal that I know HAS to come true. I refuse to live the standard life in the standard, stereotypical way. Right about now, I have no choice, but I will one day, and that day, I'll be happy as hell. But I refuse to die an ignorant, unfufilled vomitous mass with no purpose in life like 90% of the people who die do. I promise you that much...

So until then, until the day comes where I can live a real life, I will just have to learn as much as I can and live as best as possible. And I'm not talking about reading an encyclopedia or watching the discovery channel, I'm talking about LEARNING. Because as conceited as this may sound, I am a truly intelligent person, as are many of my close friends. But sadly, many of those who aren't so intelligent try to cover it up by knowing it all. But the truth is, they don't know ANYTHING because no one really knows anything. Your dumb book or show isn't gonna teach you a damn thing about life, life itself will teach you about life and you are not gonna learn anything any other way.

So my words of wisdom: Go out there and smile wider, laugh louder, cry harder, love more deeply, and be truer to yourself and the world. You can only lie to yourself because the truth will always show itself. Get hurt, make mistakes, and become better, stronger, and more capable of dealing with life.


ahh history project today shoot me...

went to katrinas key apartment on saturday to tan etc. it was fun...katrina, katy, stef, and ashley are awesome. i hope that their friendship is true though. sometimes i just dont know. as always im second guessing myself. and it sucks.

also i reliezed today their is no way im getting accepted into college im going to move to africa and be in the peace corps. bc you dont need grades or sats for that. i hate school.

got wilk? ♥♥

[13 Jan 2004|10:44am]
[ mood | cynical ]

its really frustrating to have that feeling of constant catch-up. like you're never good enough for anybody. and i feel as if i've lived my whole life like this.

its almost as im never good enough for anybody. and everybody is fake to me and lies.

i don't understand why though. i always get compliments saying how nice and non-fake i am. but its almost as people say that and don't mean it. is it true?

i just wish i could go almost under-cover for a day and see how truthful my friends are. and family. i just want to know why im constantly playing this game.

3 got wilk? ♥♥

[12 Jan 2004|07:43pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

disney was cold.

school again tomorrow. and practice. yuck.

got wilk? ♥♥

ny [06 Jan 2004|01:59pm]
[ mood | sick ]

new york was amazing. a little rundown of what happened

30th---met up with ana and her dad at the airport. taylor, ana, and me went shopping around the city. eat at time cafe, shopped, went out to dinner w/ her parents at micky mantels then went to the cafe thats in "you've got mail" for dessert, it was soo good.
31st---shopped some more around the city. went to hannahs at like 6ish (ah took the train. so many trains.) finally saw everybody minus ally. went out to dinner. had a new years thing. made smores! talked outside w/ a few others while freezing in like jeans and like a teeshirt. that was actually really fun.
1st---ah it was like the day of the trains. took train to penn station met up with ally. took subway to anas apartment to get our suitcases (me + taylors).took train to marisas house. went to see moni lisa smile and benihanas. her mom bought us an ice cream cake and like the little blower things for new years (so cute).
2nd---this day i had noo voice. took train into the city. saw movin out (it was good but it had no words so that was semi annoying but if it had words it would have been dumb). went to dinner at serendipitys. only had to wake TWO hours instead of FOUR bc of marisas person she knew. heidi (one of our counselors) met up with us which was so cute. took train back to ashleys.
3rd---everybody left =(

it was a lot of fun. now im sick though and it completely sucks. i'm not in school today and its not like i want to be in school im just already missing friday and monday bc im going to disney w/ the fam and im going to have to catch up on so much work. i hope ill be able to go tomorrow. also coach is going to shoot me in the head for missing so much practice.

xo

1 got wilk? ♥♥

NYC!! [29 Dec 2003|04:07pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

IM LEAVING TO GO TO TAYLORS IN 5 MINUTES. SO BASICALLY IM LEAVING FOR NY LIKE NOW. IM SOOOOOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!

love peace and my atw girls <3

9 got wilk? ♥♥

sex bomb [23 Dec 2003|07:56pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?
go to california (boring answer)

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
didnt keep it

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
my uncle/aunt adopted a baby...

4. Did anyone close to you die?
my rabbi

5. Did you visit a foreign country?
nope

6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?
less of me weight wise

7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
july 28th...last day of teen tour

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
getting some exercise hah

9. What was your biggest failure?
grades?

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
nothing big, thank god

11. What was the best thing you bought?
dont know.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
teen tour kids

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
sister

14. Where did most of your money go?
buying people things

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
teen tour, seeing friends

16. What song will always remind you of 2003?
in this diary

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
happier

ii. thinner or fatter?
fatter (hard to imagine, i know)

iii. richer or poorer?
poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
apperciated what i have

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
bitchyness/complaining

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
hannukah party

22. Did you fall in love in 2003?
no
OK I HAVE TO STOP NOW!! I JUST GOT PUNKED BY MARISA AND ANA!! FUNNIEST THING OF MY LIFEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

got wilk? ♥♥

whoa there [19 Dec 2003|10:07pm]
[ mood | lethargic ]

wow, today was one of the FIRST times i've looked at pictures from killian and haven't missed it. and actually smilied. and have come to the conclusion what a better person im becoming...im happier, a better student, a better kid/daughter, and a better friend. thanks god i have those few that stick by me no matter what.

anyways...break is finally here, thank god. i need it so badly...sleep mm. only two practices (that im going to, at least). and seeing my best friends in the world. i went shopping today. got a pair of hollister jeans, 2 long sleeved shirts from a&e, cords from a&e, and jeans from a&e. and my sister bought me for hanukkah/bday a shirt from urban outfitter (everybody loves a jewish girl! woo woo) and the jesus is my homeboy shirt. my mom is going to flip when she says it.

this weekend should be fun if everything works out per se...

happy hanukkah + merry xmas <3 <3 <3

got wilk? ♥♥

woo woo [17 Dec 2003|10:08pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

+ favorite Disney character: mm...tigger
+ what brand of deodorant do you use: secret
+ do you know anyone named LeRoy: negative
+ do you like Pickles: no
+ do you have a website: yeah but not like real
+ do you watch PORN: nope
+ are you black: basically. haha.
+ do you wish you were black: doesnt everybody?--but i have two black names "laquisa" and "trayesha jackson"
+ who you gonna vote for: cant vote till 2008
+ do you have your own phone line: yes
+ your thoughts on abortion: pro choice
+ do you like britney spears: no
+ do you want a britney doll: thats odd, no
+ what do you want to do with your life: achieve sucess/happyness
+ ever been butt naked bangin' on the bathroom floor: nope
+ would you ever get plastic surgery if so on what: maybe. i dont think so, but if i did it would be like lyposuction...or if i got into like a car accident and what not
+ biggest redneck you know: KATYS DAD!!! haha.
+ last time you had sex: like a virgin
+ last time you went to the bowling alley: a month or so ago, actually
+ what perfume/cologne do you wear: clinque
+ do you think forigen accents are sexy?: austrialian/british
+ last time you went to the doctor: hm...gerd disagnose? lol
+ do you think ricki martin is gay: dont care
+ do you think my tractors sexy: no
+ do you love your mom: yes
+ ever taken ballet: as a babY
+ favoite juice: apple
+ any diseases if so what are they: GERD!! thats not really one though. and my heart mumur
+ white, dark, or milk choclate: milk
+ ever dyed your hair: no
+ What brand shampoo: pantene
+ favorite holiday: hanukkah(spend time with family)/thanksgiving..the whole season is so happy
+ thing you hate most about your body: weight
+ last thing or person you rode: none sorry
+ last time you smoked: negative
+ last thing you bought: stef's present
m0re rand0m..

+ are you stressed out...if so from what: school, lack of sleep
+ what do you wear to the beach: never go bc i hate bathing suits.
+ would you ever join the army: no
+ do you want a puppy: for a day. and thast it
+ are u a flirt: dunno
+ last time you were scared: everyday of my life
+ do you do your own laundry: no
+ are your nails real or fake: Real
+ what do you wish you were named: michele (middle name)
+ are your parents divorced...if so for what reasons: o
+ are u muscular: no
+ are you flabby: yes
+ are you fat: yes
+ do you want a baby: not for a while, but yeah
+ ever thought u were pregnent: nope
+ last time you were sick: like everyday im always sick
+ your feelings on mcdonald chicken nuggets: yucky
+ do you have a car: not yet
+ do you have your licence?: yuch like 8 more months
+ what kind of jewlry do you wear: jewish star and tiffanys and such
+ what do you like the opposite sex to wear: nothing normally
+ do you have a cell? yea
+ would you ever get a tattoo: probably not
+ do you think lil bow wow is cute: aww yea
+ Whats your sign: cancer

even m0re rand0m..


+ ever been to the mall of america: no
+ ever ridden a motorcycle: no
+ have you seen the exorsist: no
+ are you online a lot: yeah
+ do you have an old navy performance fleece: pink sweat shirt fleece thing woo. for ny.
+ do you buckle up: yesss
+ any siblings: yes
+ what are their names: rachel
+ what color are your panties: pink

m0re.

+ number of times I have been in love: never
+ number of times I have had my heart broken: none
+ number of hearts I have broken: none ah
+ number of men I've slept with: 0
+ number of women I've slept with: 0
+ number of continents I have lived in: one
+ number of drugs taken illegally: none
+ number of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends: friends? 2 or 3
number of people I consider my enemies: dont care enough
+ number of piercings: 2 one in each ear
+ number of tattoos: 0

got wilk? ♥♥

survey [04 Dec 2003|10:44am]
[ mood | geeky ]

Last cigarette: none
Last good cry: don't know
Last library book checked out: uh.
Last movie seen: monsters inc =D
Last book read: dont know
Last cuss word uttered: fuck.
Last beverage drank: yohoo
Last food consumed: cresent
Last phone call: brittney
Last tv show watched: rich girls
Last time showered: a few hours ago
Last shoes worn: bball shoes
Last cd played: my atw mix
Last item bought: cresent
Last downloaded: dont know
Last annoyance: ashley and stef and katy and katrina not eatting!
Last disappointment: grades
Last soda drank: diet pepsi
Last thing written: math
Last key used: uh now an N
Last word spoken: laughing
Last sleep: ?? i went to bed at 10 yesterday
Last im: alexa
Last sexual fantasy: umh
Last weird encounter: this girl waving to me at the falls
Last ice cream eaten: dont know
Last time amused: now
Last time hugged: ashley
Last time scolded: today
Last time resentful: dont know

must leave now!

got wilk? ♥♥

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