For some reason, life is a vicious cycle. And not even necessarily vicious, but a cycle in general. We're taught that you live, you learn, you love, and you die. Very few people can honestly say they do anything but that. Seriously, everyone's life seems very different but 99% of people my age live the exact same life I do. We wake up every morning to go to school, sit through hours of classes we would rather not be in, talk to people, smile and laugh a few times, go home to waste away in TV, homework, or talking on the phone or other hobbies day after day until we arrive at summer. And then what do we do then?
Summer's a bitch because you do the same shit you do all school year long but even more often and are drowned in boredom and find yourself at your computer or stuck to the phone for hours on end or checking the board 50 times a day Or sometimes, you go out, but it comes to a point where that even becomes pointless because you do the same shit all the time. You go out to either dolphin or sunset, sometimes on ocassion the grove, and you watch a movie, walk around, and roam the area aimlessly for a couple of hours.
And when we grow up, life will be no different. We will all wake up every morning to go to work from 9-5 and come home, make dinner, maybe play with the dog (or cat), or the kids, argue with your spouse, and go to sleep for the same thing to happen the following day. Or will we all do that? It sounds pretty sad to me to live a life like that...
So this is how I see it:
I'm 15, I'm a speck of dust on this earth's surface right about now, and no matter how much I'd rather be more than that, it's impossible. So what am I to do? Yes, I'm to live that boring adolescence everyone around me is living and deal with it everyday until I can be free to do whatever I want. And I'm not talking about turning 18, because as much as I would like that to be the end of this sick trap that we know as "life", its not. I'm talking about when I've finished school and lived up to everyone's expectations and my own and I can laugh at those who failed to live up to their own expectations and who thought this overly emotional, pussy ass 15 year old bitch they knew would never be sucessful.
Then I can break out of the shell and do something amazing with my life and be able to come home everynight knowing I live a better life than everyone else I know. This isn't a cheap dream I know won't come true, this is a goal that I know HAS to come true. I refuse to live the standard life in the standard, stereotypical way. Right about now, I have no choice, but I will one day, and that day, I'll be happy as hell. But I refuse to die an ignorant, unfufilled vomitous mass with no purpose in life like 90% of the people who die do. I promise you that much...
So until then, until the day comes where I can live a real life, I will just have to learn as much as I can and live as best as possible. And I'm not talking about reading an encyclopedia or watching the discovery channel, I'm talking about LEARNING. Because as conceited as this may sound, I am a truly intelligent person, as are many of my close friends. But sadly, many of those who aren't so intelligent try to cover it up by knowing it all. But the truth is, they don't know ANYTHING because no one really knows anything. Your dumb book or show isn't gonna teach you a damn thing about life, life itself will teach you about life and you are not gonna learn anything any other way.
So my words of wisdom: Go out there and smile wider, laugh louder, cry harder, love more deeply, and be truer to yourself and the world. You can only lie to yourself because the truth will always show itself. Get hurt, make mistakes, and become better, stronger, and more capable of dealing with life.
ahh history project today shoot me...
went to katrinas key apartment on saturday to tan etc. it was fun...katrina, katy, stef, and ashley are awesome. i hope that their friendship is true though. sometimes i just dont know. as always im second guessing myself. and it sucks.
also i reliezed today their is no way im getting accepted into college im going to move to africa and be in the peace corps. bc you dont need grades or sats for that. i hate school.